


What kind of question is that supposed to be?

by aliciawillromance



Category: Good Wife (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-06
Updated: 2012-12-06
Packaged: 2017-11-20 11:23:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/584877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliciawillromance/pseuds/aliciawillromance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alicia never liked to talk about her feelings. Even less if those feelings involve Will. Even less if the confident is Eli.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What kind of question is that supposed to be?

"It's official." Without a knock or a 'may I come in?', Eli steps into Alicia's office. Like he always does.

She doesn't look up. She's tired. She had a bad day. She doesn't want to be stuck in his campaign's hassles. But politeness requires her to at least ask. "What?"

"Maddie threw down the gauntlet," Eli answers, sounding slightly pissed.

Alicia looks up from her laptop, quietly. Only a bit annoyed by the intrusion. "I thought she already did."

Eli throws her a put-out look, as if she's living on another planet. She hates it when he does that. "No," he corrects her. "She had just stated it beforehand to you. Now she's made it official to Peter," he explains with hurried, restless words as he gestures erratically, walking back and forth nervously.

It's not like she was expecting Maddie to back out. And honestly, she doesn't care. "Good," she says with complete calm, as she looks back at her laptop. The bit of news doesn't surprise her.

"No, Alicia, it's not good," Eli says in a reproaching tone.

What's wrong with him today? His tone is even more irritating – and exasperated - than usual. "Since when did you stop distinguishing between irony and seriousness?" She doesn't even look at him. She's trying to concentrate on her damn case and he's only making her lose precious time.

"Ever since so many women joined forces to drive me crazy," Eli says, as he finally stops in front of her desk.

"Don't drag me in," she asks, as she reads on the screen the same sentence for the third time.

"What did you tell exactly to Maddie that she might use against Peter?" Eli asks. No 'please', no 'may I ask you'. The usual him. The usual him asking something that he already knows.

"We have already discussed it," she says, as she closes her laptop, defeated. He's not giving up, is he? She looks up to meet his serious and expectant face. "I have nothing to add. Eli, you are Peter's campaign manager. You know his sins and his weaknesses even better than I do."

"This is the matter at hand," Eli says, eyeing Alicia ruefully, finally a little less brash.

"I don't think I get it," she says, confused. "What matter?"

"What if Maddie has no intentions to use Peter's weaknesses, but rather yours?" He asks, glancing around to make sure nobody's around.

She fakes forgetfulness and shakes her head. "I don't recall presenting myself as a candidate," she replies with an ironic smile.

Eli leans forward on her desk in a confident manner. "You know what I'm talking about," he whispers.

"I know perfectly well what you're talking about. That's why I have no intention whatsoever of answering," she says. She opens her laptop again, to make clear that the conversation is over. For her at least. Because Eli doesn't move, her attempt fails miserably. "Eli… What else do you want from me? I've already told you everything that I confided to Maddie. There's nothing else," she says with exasperation, as she closes her laptop again. This time for good.

"I know it," Eli says. He looks satisfied, probably because he finally managed to get her full attention, and stands up straight again.  _Thank God_.

"Then what's all of this about, exactly?" She asks, with plain confusion.

"You said that… you didn't tell her anything about…" He leans forward again. Is it the 'Alicia confides in Eli day?' Because she doesn't remember getting the memo. "About you know who," he whispers.

 _Oh_. Alicia freezes. So this is what it is about? "'I-know-who' has a name Eli, and you know it too. So stop it," she pleads. It's more than clear that he's referring to Will.

"Why didn't you?" He asks.

Why didn't she tell Maddie about Will? "What kind of question is that supposed to be?"

"A serious one," Eli says. His eyes reflect his serious tone.

Why didn't she tell Maddie about Will? It's a thought that never, ever crossed her mind. Why should she? "Because…" She hesitates. "There are things I don't like to discuss, not even with the people I trust the most. Far be it from me to confide in someone whose relationship with me is reduced to a couple of drinks." She hopes it's enough. She hopes Eli is satisfied enough with her answer because, really, she doesn't want to go any further than this.

"One day this story will crop up and you know it," Eli says. Alicia could swear there's a hint of concern in his voice.

One day. Not now. "If and when it does, I'll think about it," she replies, very politely.

"If and when it does, you'll need someone to talk to," Eli says, knowingly.

"If and when it does, I'll think about it," she repeats, politely but firm.  _If_  and  _when_  is not  _now_.

"Then it will be too late," Eli whispers, before sitting on the couch in front of her.

 _Too late_ … Alicia starts to realize what he's driving at. Maybe. She's not sure… And anyway… how can he even think that… "What makes you think I might want to talk about it with you?"

Eli doesn't hide the hint of a smile. "I didn't say it."

"But you thought it," Alicia looks at him, serious and still confused as to where this conversation is leading to.

Eli hesitates. Maybe pondering her question. "Because I don't judge," he finally says. "I've been Peter's campaign manager for the last four years. I've seen and heard everything possible. And I never judged. Most politicians tell only what they want, even if they know that you're on their side. Peter never did that. I know all his sins, all his weaknesses, what he really did and what he was wrongly accused of. Same goes for you. How many people know about you and Will?"

Here it goes. Will. "I don't want to talk about Will," she whispers. But her tone is firm and doesn't leave room for doubt that  _indeed_  she doesn't want to talk about him.

"That's exactly what I meant," Eli says with confidence.

Alicia looks at him. She's still trying to understand where all of this is leading up to. Actually, she doesn't want to know. It's a conversation she simply doesn't want to have. "I don't want to talk about Will," she repeats. This time she can't hide an aftertaste of sadness from seeping out through her eyes. She still doesn't want to have this conversation. Certainly not with Eli.

"How many people do you know that you can trust enough to confide in with this without fearing judgments or retaliations?" Eli asks. His words sound softer, more understanding. It's such a sharp contrast with the way he presented himself only a few minutes before.

Alicia looks down, thoughtfully. How many people? Aside from Owen, who tends to trifle with it, she can't honestly think about anyone else. There was Kalinda before, but by the time she had started seeing Will, they were barely talking to each other. And now that things are seemingly back to normal between them, Kalinda already has enough on her plate, as she has to handle with her husband being in town. Does she feel the need to talk about it anyway? It's over and done. It's something from a still quite recent past that she doesn't want to bring up again. "Eli, do your job," she says with a faint voice. Just make sure the news won't  _ever_  be released. Nothing more. Will has already suffered and paid enough…" She's tired. She wants to go home and forget this conversation. And she wants Eli to get the message that there's nothing more that she's willing to share with him. She stands up, grabs her coat and purse and starts to leave.

"You know why I'm the best at my job?" Eli stops her on her way out.

"Because you're modest and humble?" Alicia replies, jokingly.

"Because I'm good at reading people," Eli answers, not so jokingly.

Alicia looks away. Most offices on the floor are deserted and in the dark. She doesn't look back. She doesn't want Eli to see the hurt in her eyes. She doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of  _reading_  her. But he always did, right?

"When I told you about the hotel receipt," he starts, -  _Damn, still that damn receipt_ , - "that wasn't a look of remorse. It was pain…"

Remorse. Or pain. "What difference does it make?" She says and shrugged.

"None for me," Eli answers. "And for you?"

It doesn't matter. It doesn't make any difference now. " Whatever it was, it's over," she says, resigned, as she moves to leave again.

"It's just when things are over that we most need others." Eli points out.

Rightly, she thinks. But she had learnt to not need anyone. Was it the scandal, Kalinda's influence, whatever. She doesn't need to confide in anyone. She doesn't want to confide in anyone. She musters up the courage to look at Eli. He doesn't very often show his soft, understanding side. Actually, it's a rather rare sight. He seems so honest and open that she feels almost guilty for her coldness. She looks down. What can she say to make him understand how complicated that is? "In one way or another… I'd end up hurting him again. It has always been like this. It will always be.…," she shrugs, and tries to minimize her emotionality. "He deserves… He deserves someone who always puts him first. Someone who doesn't have to balance him, two kids, a separated husband, election campaigns and the press constantly on her back…" Does all of this make it any clearer to Eli? She has no idea. But it certainly makes it clearer to her. Unconsciously, she's just given herself too, the answer for her inner upheaval. It's all about this. It's all about him. It's all about her being unselfish at the point of giving up on him to save him from that vertiginous carousel that is her life.

Eli nods.

For a moment, neither of them says anything. And she honestly has nothing else to say. For what she's concerned about, she's even shared too much.

"Sometimes I think that you spend too much time trying to protect the people around you," Eli finally concludes.

"You should thank me, less work for your campaign," she jokes. But the tone of her voice clashes hard with her words. "Good night, Eli." This time, she doesn't stop. She walks through the door and leaves.


End file.
